Becoming an (Imperfect) Anti-Racist Ally

Trayvon Martin. Michael Brown. Tamir Rice. Eric Garner.

These are the names of unarmed black men and children killed by police (and a “neighborhood watch” member). Their deaths, and the resulting outcries against police brutality toward people of color (especially black men and boys) made me start to ask questions. What is systemic racism? What is implicit bias? What is the historical relationship between police and the black community? How does that history continue to affect people of color? What is white privilege, and how have I benefited from it?

I had a lot to learn.

By the time Philando Castile was murdered after disclosing to a police officer that he was legally carrying a concealed weapon, I was aware enough to know his death (and the lack of conviction for the officer involved) was part of a long-standing pattern of systemic racism in policing. I have a concealed carry permit. Yes, this yoga and mindfulness teacher grew up with guns, views them as tools, feels comfortable shooting them, and has a permit to legally carry them. I was trained to disclose immediately when approached by police that I have a concealed carry permit and whether I am currently carrying a weapon. This was exactly what Mr. Castile did. I, a white woman, have only been treated with an enhanced respect when I make this disclosure. Mr. Castile died. Was murdered. For a broken taillight and the smell of marijuana. Yet I remained silent. I spoke with friends and some family, but never publicly. Why?

I was scared. I was scared I would say the wrong thing. I was scared of being criticized online. I was scared of alienating family members who view the world very differently than I do. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. But inaction, IS an action. In this case, my silence said that my need to remain comfortable was of higher value than the lives of people of color. Especially black people. Especially black men and boys.

Breonna Taylor. George Floyd. A COVID-19 death rate among African-Americans that is 3 times the death rate of white people.

I regret my silence. But I know others are today right where I was back in 2014. So I’m sharing here some of the books and podcasts I’ve been immersed in over the past several years. They have helped me tremendously to learn about life in America that I can’t know from my personal lived experience. That I was never taught in my formal education. If you’re a white person who doesn’t understand why people are protesting, or who feels the injustice but doesn’t know where to start in order to better stand with people of color, I hope some of resources will serve you.

Understanding Contemporary Injustice, Racism, and Privilege

When BIPOC folks (black, indigenous, people of color) tell us what their experiences are like based on race, this is a gift to those of us (white people) who do not share the same lived experience. It takes great courage and vulnerability to share one’s truth. These books and podcasts have changed how I understand my country, and have taught me to believe the experiences of BIPOC.

• The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander
• Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson
• Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
• White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo
• So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
• Code Switch from NPR
• Latino USA from NPR (Yes, a person can have both black racial and Latinx ethnic/cultural identity. This is called intersectionality.)
• Reveal from the Center for Investigative Reporting
• The Nod from Gimlet Media

(un)Learn American History

My formal education on race in the United States went something like this:

Slavery. Segregation. Martin Luther King, Jr. Everything’s fine.

No wonder there is so much confusion, so much we (white people) don’t understand. I managed to get all the way through earning a Master’s Degree barely learning anything about Reconstruction, post-Reconstruction, the terror of lynching, the humiliation of Jim Crow, or federally-supported policies that blocked access to home ownership (such as redlining).

This erasure of historical discrimination and its continued impact on black life today is a perfect example of institutional white supremacy. We aren’t explicitly taught that white people are better than black people, we just learn through omission that black life doesn’t matter as much as white life. When we more accurately know the past, we can better understand the present. Black history IS American history.

• The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America’s Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson
• Ida: A Sword Among Lions: Ida B. Wells and the Campaign Against Lynching by Paula J. Giddings
• The Blood of Emmett Till by Timothy B. Tyson
• The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein
• 1619 from the New York Times
• Uncivil from Gimlet Media
• Lynching in America from the Equal Justice Initiative

Racism still lives inside me. It still lives inside you. The message that it’s better to be white than it is to be black or brown permeates the fabric of our culture, even if we believe ourselves to be “colorblind.” Don’t deny the racism within you; instead, notice it. Become curious about it. Question where it comes from and who it serves. Then work to uproot it, over and over again.

I am no expert in how to be an ally to BIPOC. But I’m learning, and I’m trying to do better as I know better, every day. Today I can’t go back to choosing personal comfort over standing with those who do not have the privilege of silence. The listening is never over. The learning is never over. The uncomfortable process of unearthing my own entrenched racism is never over. It can’t be until our country fully realizes her vision statement – and her incredible potential – of true, equitable freedom for all.